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Perchance to Dream Team by Joseph Young

Published at Everyday Genius on April 5, 2013 (presented by Adam Robinson)


Borges at Point Guard. Small and fast, acutely, sometimes painfully, intelligent, he’ll distribute the ideas of the game with as much skill as he does the ball. Some might consider his failing eyesight a disability at this key position, but his feel for the court is uncanny, rendering sight almost redundant.

Melville at Center. Heavy and sometimes plodding, always last to the far end, he’ll nevertheless clear out space deep in the post like a force of nature. It doesn’t hurt that at 500 pages, he’s also a player with a sense of humor, storing up goodwill with the refs even after a particularly hard foul.

Evelyn Waugh at Shooting Guard. At first glance he appears overly refined for the game, a little pasty, even effete, but such is his ability to lull the defense to sleep, step out on the wing, and hit the 3-point shot with one of the purest strokes in the game. He is poise defined.

Richard Wright at Power Forward. Scrappy and intense, he rules the paint at both ends. A defensive specialist, he’s willing to leave the limelight to his teammates, even leave the country if need be, but his presence is always felt by the opposing team.

Oscar Wilde at Small Forward. A controversial figure, often in the news, or in jail, his overawing talent can’t be disputed. Too much of a show off for some, he’ll leave a defense looking like a crowd of confused bureaucratic bullies. His lifestyle choices may bewilder, even frighten, his teammates, but none of that will matter when he leads them to a championship ring.

Joseph Young lives in Baltimore. His most recent book is Always Never Speaking and his house is the MicroFiction RowHouse.

Want more blasts from the past? Here’s an unedited list of everything Chris Toll ever emailed me about the Baltimore Ravens.

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